It took work on my part to shed some layers of negativity and remember my somewhat bohemian wildness and happiness, my inner childishness, to allow myself to look silly in front of my kids. Continue reading They Became My Partners in Joy
Always the lists. Give me too much free time between calls at work, and a fairly slow day with no nearby neighbors to visit with, and I used pages and pages of scratch paper to make lists for the New Year. Lists about working out, and menus, and lists of chores and how to rotate them. Lists about writing and making time for the things … Continue reading Learning to Laugh
Driving straight into a thick blanket of fog, I wondered about our world, the darkness and lack of visibility we are entering. I remembered the blizzard in the Little House on the Prairie books that hit suddenly while children were at the school-house. They formed a line with outstretched arms – trying to get all the children home in a storm of wild whiteness. Only … Continue reading Microcosm & Minutiae
The conflict happens because she’s right and she loves you. And yet, we strive against all her rightness, her great ideas, Her prodding us into things that challenge and define us. She made memories for us, with the books she read us, The games she played, the places she took us, The worlds she opened up to us, The things she made it … Continue reading Mothers
Another bad thing in a world of bad things. I have not become numb, that is not what has happened. I crumble with each new attack, with each new assault – foreign or domestic. And then I disconnect, and block out the media, and become absorbed in my kids’ interests and the activities we can do together to fill our world with joy. I didn’t take … Continue reading We could Hug More!
As we rounded out the year of 2015, the boys and I sat up late-ish to watch Inside Out.
Of course, I’m raising boys after growing up in an all-girl family. It’s like Life doesn’t actually ever want us to feel capable or like we know one iota of what we’re doing. So, I can’t tell you if the interior landscape of boys during the upheaval that is Junior High is anything like that of girls, but I can tell you that I identified with every single thing that movie showed us about how an emotional world can crumble overnight.
It showed it so beautifully. And then it showed a boy’s mind – which was just a jumbled mess of bouncing things spazzing out because “There’s a Girl!” Which may just sum it up.
It’s cool how my boys watched it all the way through, even though, I was a slobbering, tear-streaked mess over it. There could be conversations about this in the future – especially as it relates to girls.
Some people go through a massive upheaval and recreation of all their core ideas and feelings as teenagers – a complete breakdown and disassemble and then a big, new, shiny control center with six times as many emotions is brought in – all sorts of complex reasoning and befuddlement gets added to the mix.
There are still ways to be happy and cool as a teenager. They are just surrounded by all these freak-out levers and gears.
It’s a very interesting time. I love how this movie showed it happening for a pre-teen. It was absolutely brilliant. I wish anyone had been able to explain these changes to me as a young person. I just thought I was crazy. It’s all perfectly normal. It’s absolutely completely normal to hit pre-puberty and feel like all is lost and you have no grip on reality. If only we as adults could usher our kids through this time better. If only we could help with signs along the way.
To be honest – I spent my entire twenties and half my thirties reeling from the trauma of my teens. If only I’d been able to see all that time ago, that I wasn’t crazy, or unbalanced, or OCD or anything else that people easily self-diagnose these days. I had just come through puberty, and my insides were in mass disorder. If only I’d been able to see that sooner, I could have started enjoying life ever so much sooner.
Which brings me to the terror of motherhood. Helping my children through this time. What the hell prepares anyone to do that? This great cartoon movie I just saw could help more than anything I’ve ever encountered in my life. No kidding.
Continue reading “Pre-Pubescent Insanity”
This is not a reference I throw around lightly. This is something I have studied. I worked at the Anti-Defamation League in San Francisco when I was younger, helping maintain their library of groups they watched for hate crimes or atrocities in the making. Every day, researchers would hand me stacks of articles from periodicals around the world to chronicle and file. They kept records … Continue reading Horrifying Comparison of Adolescence
Being on the right side of the brain is a little like being on the Left Bank in Paris: relaxing while watching the passing show, listening to the music on the corner. It’s a place to sit around and tell stories and wonder about it all – and most important, to slow down. Call it crazy or lazy, this wisdom may be found only … Continue reading Right Brain, Left Bank and Parenting through Teenage Angst
Today, while doing chores, I listened to a book on tape from the library called, “How the Universe got its Spots.” (This is a link to the Amazon book, because I couldn’t link to the book on tape for some reason.) The gifted young cosmologist Janna Levin sets out to determine the size of the universe, along the way providing an intimate look at the … Continue reading On Motherhood, Physics and Relativity
Reflections on The Tao te Ching – Chapter 1: The tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal Name. The unnamable is the eternally real. Naming is the origin of all particular things. Free from desire, you realize the mystery. Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations. Yet … Continue reading Darkness within Darkness