As I was meditating this morning, I caught myself telling myself how I was supposed to be doing it, rather than relaxing and just enjoying it. “Suppose” became my mantra. But, “Let’s suppose” is a guess, and “Supposed to” is a should, or something I feel I have to do, but don’t really want to do. And I pass those should’s and ought’s on to my kids. Like they are supposed to behave in a store. But my idea of behave is way different from theirs, and they are usually having fun, and I can be tight-lipped and stressed out by the end of shopping – because of should’s and supposed to’s.
“Moses supposes he toeses are roses. Moses supposes erroneously”
And now that is stuck in my head.
But what if I take every supposed to and see it as a wild guess – that has every possibility of being erroneous?
What if my kids pretending to sword play, and making little noises with their mouths like the ringing of steel on steel all through the store IS the way to behave in a store?
What if me constantly telling them to be quiet and behave, and becoming more and more stressed throughout the trip is the dumbest, most backwards thing in the world?
This seems like one of my biggest struggles, and suppose its all made up in my head, and they are actually adorable and hilarious and no one in the store is thinking I’m a bad parent – except when I keep trying to shush them.
(I am happy to report that shopping today was delightful, because I stopped trying to make them be anything other than what they are… they are sweet, funny, charming kids who get excited to be out and about, and they are usually not misbehaving at all.)